Are your employees engaged like Johnny Depp?

Credit: A Templeton Photo

The internet is swarming with excitement about the engagement of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. However, Depp himself seems the most excited about the situation and he is smitten for Heard. Depp has said She's a wonderful girl. She's sharp as a tack. A southern belle and sweet as can be, and very good for me." (CBS News). What does all this have to do with employee engagement? A lot, actually. Every company should be striving to find and retain employees that are excited about the organization and invested in future goals. How does one engage employees? Embedding emotional intelligence into company culture is a good way to start...


Below are ways to show emotional intelligence toward employees and improve company culture through increased employee engagement.

The Five Languages for Engagement:

1. Verbal Recognition – A great way to show appreciation is through verbal communication. This type of communication specifically looks to praise and verbal cues which indicate they are on the right track and have done well. You may not need this, but for them the lack of it, could mean disregard, and disapproval.  Verbalize your gratitude and explain why that action was valuable to them, you and the business.
2. Sharing the load – This individual appreciates actual affirmation.  We are talking about show not tell.  Nothing weighs heavier than the willingness of a leader or a coworker to lend a helping hand, or to express acts of comradery in some way. While it is important to walk a fine line in the interest of your own work-life balance and job success, it is an absolute must to not be self-focused.  Don’t wait for someone to ask, offer to lighten the load and show your concern for their needs and development in the organization.
3. Quality Time – For this type of employee, days off and flex-time are very important. Occasionally offering days off, can really communicate your respect for work-life balance as well as your appreciation of the employee. Establishing a flex-time work schedule is a similar method. In fact, research has shown that many employees with family obligations work more effectively out of work.  Furthermore, as the number of highly-educated women entering the workforce increases, there will be more demand for them to have flexibility in their hours (Wall Street Journal and WhiteHouse.gov).
4. Giving Gifts – This type of individual enjoys gift receiving more than all others in feeling appreciated and valued.   Taking the time to know whether your employee is interested in joining the gym and offering them a free gym membership, or getting a gift card to their favorite restaurant will speak to their needs.
5. Inviting Input – For some individuals recognition takes the form of achievement.  A seat at the leadership table is no small thing. As a stake-holder in the company, this individual would like to know they are talented. Your willingness to both ask for their input and utilize their advice truly communicates their importance. In the same way, additional leadership responsibilities show trust in their capabilities, which walks hand in hand with their drive for achievement.

Gwyneth Paltrow Boiling or Not?

Ever heard of a bloody divorce? One of the most disturbing portrayals of the concept might be the 1989 black comedy The War of the Roses. In this film, a divorce lawyer tells the tale of a horrific divorce in which the conflict escalated to violence and eventually death. Unfortunately, violent disputes in married relationships, friendships and working relationships are not unheard of. These scenarios are examples of the highest degree of conflict temperature, which is boiling. Many times, both sides in the dispute are angry and willing to go to any length to “win.” Or sometimes, the conflict is instigated by an attacking side with malicious intent, which was likely the case in the recent attack on Zac Efron in Skid Row. Often both sides are in need of stronger emotional intelligence and guidance to help reduce tensions.  

At the other end of the conflict thermometer is a warm conflict. Based on her interviews, it would seem Gwyneth Paltrow’s break up would fall into this category. She says she and her husband, Coldplay front man, Chris Martin, are uncoupling. She says uncoupling “seeks to be very undramatic.” As opposed to a loud, name-calling break up, she described her split with Chris with terms of compassion and mutual understanding. Paltrow’s celebrity friend, Cameron Diaz explained to E! News “People want them to blow up and it to be ugly, but they're kind, generous, loving people who really care about one another… They are really good friends” (Huffington Post). This situation shows the signs of warm conflict in that both sides are still open to discussion and finger pointing is not an issue.  

Gwyneth Paltrow Photo
By: Jared Purdy Photography

In the midst of a dispute, pausing to determine conflict temperature, evaluate the cause of the conflict and learn about conflict resolution tools such as persuasion can lead to much better outcomes.  

Check out this video for more details on conflict temperature:

Related Reads: 
Mclachlan ConflictEI & Conflict Resolution: George Washington StyleMad Employee WildfireEI & Conflict Resolution: Leadership Negotiation Skills

The Hunger Games in Your Office

The Hunger Games has taken the world by storm. After all, who doesn’t love a post-apocalyptic adventure with a memorable heroine? I know I’ve enjoyed the film series. And like all great books and movies, The Hunger Games offers a feast of topics to consume. Specifically, the angle of competition in contrast with cooperation comes to light when considering the dynamics of the tributes in the games. And of course, competition and cooperation are important considerations when it comes to communication in the workplace and conflict resolution. Check out the video below for a deeper analysis on this subject.

Finding the balance of healthy competition and functional cooperation isn’t an easy task, unless one has the correct tools. These tools include strong emotional intelligence skills and effective communications skills. Become the girl on fire like Katniss, or the boy with the bread like Peeta, by defying the norms of viscous competition in conflict scenarios and stopping to think how working together can lead to even better results.

Related Reads:
Communication Training
EI & Conflict Resolution: George Washington Style
Mad Employee Wildfire
EI & Conflict Resolution: Leadership Negotiation Skills
Catching Fire on the Job?

Ask a Google Engineer - Fitz and Ben from Chicago - Work-Life Balance

Google employees shared an excellent metaphor about the importance of work life balance to organizations. They said many organizations treat employees like a knife that they grind and use relentlessly until it goes dull. Then they throw out the knife. On the other hand, it is a better strategy to allow work life balance for employees, which leads to sharpening the knife, rather than grinding it until it's useless. Check out this great Google video on work life balance:

Arian Foster: negotiating or “no-go”tiating?

Often times, whether within an executive board, a shareholder committee, a department or unit within an organization, or owners within a small business, individuals are not in agreement.  Either due to lack of negotiating skills, or an authoritarian style not suited for nurturing the team spirit, or simply personality differences and egotistical decision-making, parties in a group can feel estranged and act rebellious.  During these times, the options are to fight to the bone, separate the shares either through a buy-out or similar option, or to invite a third party to serve as a facilitator/mediator.  

Mediation is when two organizations, or two individuals, decides to let an unbiased party hear both sides of a situation and then come to some type of agreement that satisfies both parties as it pertains to a dispute.

If an organization decides to bring legal action against another organization or individual, then this process can bring a lot of negative publicity to the situation and most companies don't want this type of advertisement. Legal action can be a very time consuming process as well as being quite costly. One has to utilize a number of resources when it comes time for legal action. The process will take the focus away from the core business and will deplete profits, creating unwanted costs. No organization’s mission statement involves litigation, so anything close to that, is a step in the wrong direction.

It would be so much easier to have someone representing both parties and then get all the facts of the case and then work to a conclusion that is satisfying to all involved. Mediation is less conspicuous than legal action in addition to being hard on your time, money, manpower and resources. The current dispute between Arian Foster and Brittany Norwood that’s making headlines (USA Today) is a prime example. Mediation concerning her pregnancy and his reaction would save them and their families a world of heartache and money. Instead, it’s becoming a highly publicized dispute.

Imagine having to have someone within your organization have to retrieve files from 5 or 10 years ago, so that you can prepare for legal action. This takes the individual away from their duties they were hired to do. For all practical purposes this is down-time or unproductive business practice.

If you are ever at odds with a conflict situation that isn’t easily maneuverable, mediation may be a good option for you.  In order to help you choose the right mediator, below are some characteristics to look for.  Remember these are at the minimum, depending on your case, other details may need to be further considered:

1.      Impartiality – Independence and objectivity. Some people describe this characteristic as “being an honest broker.”

2.      Integrity – Mediators oftentimes convey information that parties may find disturbing, or difficult to accept. This requires the candor to communicate honestly, the courage to follow professional standards, and the strength to reject unethical suggestions occasionally advanced by participants.

3.      Respect – Responding to disputants as people with difficult problems under trying circumstances.

4.      Good listeners

5.      Ethical – Mediators face an array of ethical issues. Chose only those who have agreed to be bound by published standards from recognized organizations.

6.      Important Personal Traits – Other helpful qualifications include empathy, maturity, calmness, analytical skills, persuasiveness, and intelligence.

Liar, Liar

The trait of lying has often times been considered a repulsive trait and in fact pathological lying has been considered a neurosis in which there is habitual or compulsive lying.  The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth.  According to research, although little has been written about pathological lying, one study found a prevalence of almost 1 in 1,000 repeat juvenile offenders (Psychiatric Times). The average age of onset is 16 years when the level of intelligence is average or above average. Also, they have shown above level verbal skills as opposed to performance abilities. 30% of subjects had a chaotic home environment, where a parent or family member had a mental disturbance.

But what about everyday lying?  Leonard Saxe, Ph.D., a polygraph expert and professor of psychology at Brandeis University, says, "Lying has long been a part of everyday life. We couldn't get through the day without being deceptive."

In a 1996 study, DePaulo and her colleagues had 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71 keep a diary of all the falsehoods they told over the course of a week. Most people, she found, lie once or twice a day—almost as often as they snack from the refrigerator or brush their teeth. Both men and women lie in approximately a fifth of their social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes; over the course of a week they deceive about 30 percent of those with whom they interact one-on-one. Furthermore, some types of relationships, such as those between parents and teens, are virtual magnets for deception: "College students lie to their mothers in one out of two conversations," reports DePaulo. (Incidentally, when researchers refer to lying, they don't include the mindless pleasantries or polite equivocations we offer each other in passing, such as "I'm fine, thanks" or "No trouble at all." An "official" lie actually misleads, deliberately conveying a false impression. So complimenting a friend's awful haircut or telling a creditor that the check is in the mail both qualify.)  Saxe believes that anyone under enough pressure, or given enough incentive, will lie. But in a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, DePaulo and Deborah A. Kashy, Ph.D., of Texas A&M University, report that frequent liars tend to be manipulative and Machiavellian, not to mention overly concerned with the impression they make on others. Still, DePaulo warns that liars "don't always fit the stereotype of caring only about themselves. Further research reveals that extroverted, sociable people are slightly more likely to lie, and that some personality and physical traits—notably self-confidence and physical attractiveness—have been linked to an individual's skill at lying when under pressure.

So are we giving a pass to lying? No. Absolutely not.  In fact the next part of this article focuses on how to detect lying now that we know lies are so common.

Here is how to detect lies:

1.     Differentiate between pathological vs. sociopathic liars: the latter tells lies because they seek to manipulate whereas the first lies to avoid facing consequences.

2.     Check for consistency by asking for details multiple times.  Record and don’t repeat back what they have said.  Pathological liars will lie all the time. Even regarding small details.

3.     Compare lies told to different people.  Pathological liars often change stories between people to get attention.  Their low self-esteem guides them to try to look good in front of others.

4.     Test whether the individual lies to get attention.  Pathological liars are motivated by boredom, coming out a winner or “upper” low self-esteem, sympathy attention. 

5.     Look to whether there are other addictions or secret habits that are potentially harmful.  There may be other personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar or borderline personality disorder.

6.     Examine the person’s reaction when their lie is discovered.  Possible reactions are extreme defensiveness, quickly fabricating another lie to cover the first, and becoming vindictive, regretful and retaliate.

7.     Determine if the person lives in reality.  Pathological liars, can’t hold relationships long-term, they wander around without routines and create a pseudo reality to keep them entertained and free from boredom. 

I hope that you don’t have to catch someone in a lie.  But given the statistics above, you probably will at some point of your life depending on the severity.  Keep these suggestions in mind and I hope love and truth will always protect you. 

A Ford Mustang Ride

Tips for a productive commute

8.1 percent of U.S. workers have 60 minute or longer commutes to work according to the U.S. Census Bureau. For some of us, commuting to work is an hour long venture. Even in a Ford Mustang, the repetitive trip could get old. It is easy to develop negative feelings about commuting to work. It can feel like an invasion on our personal time and an energy sapper. By the time we arrive at our job, we feel like we’re already in to our work day, which can lower performance. Then again, it’s all in how we choose to frame it. According to Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”  At least we don’t use a bathroom stall to get to work like the wizards that work at the Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter.

The reality is that if we set goals for our commuting to work time, just like other parts of our lives, it can be tremendously beneficial. If you’ve been struggling to stay awake during your commute or feeling like it is a waste of your time, think again. We’ve got some great tips to help you turn your commute time into a valued part of your day.

Tips for a Useful Commute:

1.      Mental Preparation-
The importance of positive thinking is often underestimated. Thinking about success and finding self-motivation are important aspects of productive living. Remember the law of attraction? Use your commute time to think good thoughts. You could even take that one step further and listen to an inspirational story, an inspirational quote, positive and inspirational psychology about goal setting, etc.  Research shows that if you start your day this way, you will lead your thoughts in to a more successful and enjoyable day. “The brain regions involved in "intention" are very connected to those regions involved in action. As a result, firing up those brain regions involved in intention will start to fire up your action centers” according to psychiatrist Srinivasan Pillay.

2.      Presentation Practice-
Using your commute to prepare yourself for work appearance sounds silly, but is quite effective. Sit up straight in your car to help your posture. Smile because not only will it benefit you to walk into work smiling, but it is proven to boost your mood.

3.      Energy Building-
You know that music you love to listen to when working out or cleaning house? Play that music during your commute to help boost your energy. Listening to the right music and singing along even, before work can really put your brain in a good state because “activations occur in the premotor and parietal cortex of the brain: regions that prepare the body for movement and attention” says Pillay.

4.      Winding Down-
On the opposite end of the spectrum, utilize “low key” tunes on the way home to help you unwind. It is important to let your mind calm down from exhaustion after work.

5.      Speech Training-
Remember all those silly people you’ve witnessed singing along to music in their car? Be one of them. Sing along to music in the car. This can help you practice annunciation as well as clear your throat.

6.      Think Business-

When we get busy in our lives, it becomes difficult to soak in inspiration and we get stuck in the comfort zone, which later translates to boredom and dissatisfaction. The easiest way to utilize your commute is to be observant. Take time to notice the word around you. Let nature inspire your artistic and innovative side. Acknowledge business advertising, and messages around you in general. Marketing is something we are bombarded with, but seldom learn from.  The messages could actually serve as trends and knowledge to draw on within your role at work. Further more tune in to news, technology and environmental changes which impact your life.

Effective performance can easily be heightened through a well-utilized commute; it’s just a matter of perspective. In fact, some people prefer to have a commute. After all, the majority of people are always wishing for more time to think, and a commute solves that need. If you're looking for a good new year resolution in 2014, then utilizing these ideas may be the resolution for you.