Liar, Liar

The trait of lying has often times been considered a repulsive trait and in fact pathological lying has been considered a neurosis in which there is habitual or compulsive lying.  The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth.  According to research, although little has been written about pathological lying, one study found a prevalence of almost 1 in 1,000 repeat juvenile offenders (Psychiatric Times). The average age of onset is 16 years when the level of intelligence is average or above average. Also, they have shown above level verbal skills as opposed to performance abilities. 30% of subjects had a chaotic home environment, where a parent or family member had a mental disturbance.

But what about everyday lying?  Leonard Saxe, Ph.D., a polygraph expert and professor of psychology at Brandeis University, says, "Lying has long been a part of everyday life. We couldn't get through the day without being deceptive."

In a 1996 study, DePaulo and her colleagues had 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71 keep a diary of all the falsehoods they told over the course of a week. Most people, she found, lie once or twice a day—almost as often as they snack from the refrigerator or brush their teeth. Both men and women lie in approximately a fifth of their social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes; over the course of a week they deceive about 30 percent of those with whom they interact one-on-one. Furthermore, some types of relationships, such as those between parents and teens, are virtual magnets for deception: "College students lie to their mothers in one out of two conversations," reports DePaulo. (Incidentally, when researchers refer to lying, they don't include the mindless pleasantries or polite equivocations we offer each other in passing, such as "I'm fine, thanks" or "No trouble at all." An "official" lie actually misleads, deliberately conveying a false impression. So complimenting a friend's awful haircut or telling a creditor that the check is in the mail both qualify.)  Saxe believes that anyone under enough pressure, or given enough incentive, will lie. But in a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, DePaulo and Deborah A. Kashy, Ph.D., of Texas A&M University, report that frequent liars tend to be manipulative and Machiavellian, not to mention overly concerned with the impression they make on others. Still, DePaulo warns that liars "don't always fit the stereotype of caring only about themselves. Further research reveals that extroverted, sociable people are slightly more likely to lie, and that some personality and physical traits—notably self-confidence and physical attractiveness—have been linked to an individual's skill at lying when under pressure.

So are we giving a pass to lying? No. Absolutely not.  In fact the next part of this article focuses on how to detect lying now that we know lies are so common.

Here is how to detect lies:

1.     Differentiate between pathological vs. sociopathic liars: the latter tells lies because they seek to manipulate whereas the first lies to avoid facing consequences.

2.     Check for consistency by asking for details multiple times.  Record and don’t repeat back what they have said.  Pathological liars will lie all the time. Even regarding small details.

3.     Compare lies told to different people.  Pathological liars often change stories between people to get attention.  Their low self-esteem guides them to try to look good in front of others.

4.     Test whether the individual lies to get attention.  Pathological liars are motivated by boredom, coming out a winner or “upper” low self-esteem, sympathy attention. 

5.     Look to whether there are other addictions or secret habits that are potentially harmful.  There may be other personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar or borderline personality disorder.

6.     Examine the person’s reaction when their lie is discovered.  Possible reactions are extreme defensiveness, quickly fabricating another lie to cover the first, and becoming vindictive, regretful and retaliate.

7.     Determine if the person lives in reality.  Pathological liars, can’t hold relationships long-term, they wander around without routines and create a pseudo reality to keep them entertained and free from boredom. 

I hope that you don’t have to catch someone in a lie.  But given the statistics above, you probably will at some point of your life depending on the severity.  Keep these suggestions in mind and I hope love and truth will always protect you.